Beautiful photography by Daniela Brown.
I figured out today that anti-woman shit is a trigger.
I mean, sexism and misogyny have always bothered me. I've written plenty of articles about how law and media intersect with being a woman. But now... post-rape, I feel like everything sexist is so much more personal. I notice more.
For example, I went to a Christmas party yesterday (yes, I managed to get out of the house). It was a house party with my boyfriend's coworkers--and somewhat of an odd dynamic. Gabe is a public school English teacher. The department chair is a woman, Elizabeth, and she invited everyone over for a holiday party at her home. "Everyone" really meant Elizabeth's best friend Monica, a group of male teachers, and their female attachments.
As an aside, all of these teachers are white. They also teach for the poorest, most "ethnically diverse" (read: Black and Hispanic) school in the county. That's another issue altogether.
At any rate. after eating (boys first to the buffet, as always), the eight male teachers crowded around the TV. There weren't any chairs left in the living room, so Elizabeth, Monica, one of the teachers' fiancees Samantha, and myself were left in the kitchen.
At one point, one of the guys wanted to flip the channel. He called to Elizabeth, who was a whole room over, to grab him the remote that was literally a foot away from him.
I mean, sexism and misogyny have always bothered me. I've written plenty of articles about how law and media intersect with being a woman. But now... post-rape, I feel like everything sexist is so much more personal. I notice more.
For example, I went to a Christmas party yesterday (yes, I managed to get out of the house). It was a house party with my boyfriend's coworkers--and somewhat of an odd dynamic. Gabe is a public school English teacher. The department chair is a woman, Elizabeth, and she invited everyone over for a holiday party at her home. "Everyone" really meant Elizabeth's best friend Monica, a group of male teachers, and their female attachments.
As an aside, all of these teachers are white. They also teach for the poorest, most "ethnically diverse" (read: Black and Hispanic) school in the county. That's another issue altogether.
At any rate. after eating (boys first to the buffet, as always), the eight male teachers crowded around the TV. There weren't any chairs left in the living room, so Elizabeth, Monica, one of the teachers' fiancees Samantha, and myself were left in the kitchen.
At one point, one of the guys wanted to flip the channel. He called to Elizabeth, who was a whole room over, to grab him the remote that was literally a foot away from him.
Now looking at this objectively, I can understand why it's not really that big a deal. Sometimes parties segregate and sometimes friends do things for each other. But, to me, the entire situation was representative of sexism in America. The girls would have been welcome to sit with the boys, but there are systemic barriers in the way: They would have had to ask for a seat, leaving themselves open to disrupting the peace.
I can see guys rolling their eyes reading this. But in a social situation like this, girls (and women) don't want to be labeled as demanding, bossy, selfish, or worst of all, awkward or annoying.
I can see guys rolling their eyes reading this. But in a social situation like this, girls (and women) don't want to be labeled as demanding, bossy, selfish, or worst of all, awkward or annoying.
No one wants to feel that way.
It would be easier if a guy invited the girls over. And in a way they did... but to serve them. To grab them the remote.
You see small things like this all the time. I used to roll my eyes at it and move on within minutes. I might have caught the eye of a woman near me and share a moment of "Ugh the patriarchy" and then move on.
We know there's nothing we can do.
Instead, though, since I've been raped, since I've literally suffered the worst gender violence there is, I have 0 patience for this kind of bullshit.
So instead of losing my shit and making a scene at the party, I drowned myself in my drink, only to later pick a fight with Gabe about the systemic problems that his friends represent.
Yeah, that argument didn't end well. It's tough to tell a loved one that something related to them (Gabe's friends) is upsetting to you, and there's little they can do to fix it. It's cultural and so difficult to change.
In fact, it only came to a close after I told Gabe it was a trigger. It makes sense, for a girl to get so mad.
Getting mad about sexism only makes sense when mental illness is involved.
You see small things like this all the time. I used to roll my eyes at it and move on within minutes. I might have caught the eye of a woman near me and share a moment of "Ugh the patriarchy" and then move on.
We know there's nothing we can do.
Instead, though, since I've been raped, since I've literally suffered the worst gender violence there is, I have 0 patience for this kind of bullshit.
So instead of losing my shit and making a scene at the party, I drowned myself in my drink, only to later pick a fight with Gabe about the systemic problems that his friends represent.
Yeah, that argument didn't end well. It's tough to tell a loved one that something related to them (Gabe's friends) is upsetting to you, and there's little they can do to fix it. It's cultural and so difficult to change.
In fact, it only came to a close after I told Gabe it was a trigger. It makes sense, for a girl to get so mad.
Getting mad about sexism only makes sense when mental illness is involved.
Then again, even after that long rant, I feel like I have nothing to complain about. I met so many people at the hospital that had lost children, parents, jobs, homes, and more. One feminist slight is not the end of the world.
Perspective, Amy. Perspective.
At any rate, it's Sunday, so that means weekly goals toward my six month goals.
As a reminder: my six-month goals are:
Health: Weigh 130 lbs
Financial: Pay off my credit card debt (it's nearing $10,000 now, but that number will substantially decrease after my bonus)
Family: Start meeting with a family therapist
Educational: Complete two Coursera classes
Artistic: Take time once a week to express myself creatively
Attitude: Practice mindfulness at least once a week
The goals for this week are:
Health: Take down all measurements tomorrow and record them in MyFitnessPal. Simply record what I'm eating every day.
Financial: Get paid on the 15th--apply bonus to credit card. Check in with my HR rep to see if my short-term disability has cleared yet (as of now, insurance owes me about $4,500 pre-tax dollars).
Family: Reach out to Caleb, my brother, about seeing our grandparents for Christmas. Mail my mother her birthday gift.
Educational: Figure out one Coursera class to take and take one class.
Artistic: Do a Mandala.
Attitude: Meditate once.
SO:
Monday: Record measurements, write down food, reach out to Caleb, and mail Mom her gift.
Tuesday: Write down food, apply bonus to credit card and pay rent, and start mandala.
Wednesday: Write down food, see if HR has any updates, work on Mandala, pick a Coursera class.
Thursday: Write down food, work on Coursera class, finish Mandala
Friday: Meditate
Saturday: Work on Coursera
For tomorrow morning, I will record my measurements. I will then eat breakfast, record it, and then go to the store to get wrapping paper. Then I will go to work, wrap Mom's gift, and then ship it. I will reach out to Caleb during work. Tomorrow evening, I will go out with my friend Jack for dinner. Then I will come home, write, then relax.
Perspective, Amy. Perspective.
At any rate, it's Sunday, so that means weekly goals toward my six month goals.
As a reminder: my six-month goals are:
Health: Weigh 130 lbs
Financial: Pay off my credit card debt (it's nearing $10,000 now, but that number will substantially decrease after my bonus)
Family: Start meeting with a family therapist
Educational: Complete two Coursera classes
Artistic: Take time once a week to express myself creatively
Attitude: Practice mindfulness at least once a week
The goals for this week are:
Health: Take down all measurements tomorrow and record them in MyFitnessPal. Simply record what I'm eating every day.
Financial: Get paid on the 15th--apply bonus to credit card. Check in with my HR rep to see if my short-term disability has cleared yet (as of now, insurance owes me about $4,500 pre-tax dollars).
Family: Reach out to Caleb, my brother, about seeing our grandparents for Christmas. Mail my mother her birthday gift.
Educational: Figure out one Coursera class to take and take one class.
Artistic: Do a Mandala.
Attitude: Meditate once.
SO:
Monday: Record measurements, write down food, reach out to Caleb, and mail Mom her gift.
Tuesday: Write down food, apply bonus to credit card and pay rent, and start mandala.
Wednesday: Write down food, see if HR has any updates, work on Mandala, pick a Coursera class.
Thursday: Write down food, work on Coursera class, finish Mandala
Friday: Meditate
Saturday: Work on Coursera
For tomorrow morning, I will record my measurements. I will then eat breakfast, record it, and then go to the store to get wrapping paper. Then I will go to work, wrap Mom's gift, and then ship it. I will reach out to Caleb during work. Tomorrow evening, I will go out with my friend Jack for dinner. Then I will come home, write, then relax.
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